Discipline.

I think I've always perceived the word "discipline" as a negative word. I associate discipline with being grounded or spanked as a kid. Discipline means having to follow rules. However, I'm learning that discipline doesn't necessarily have to be negative. Being disciplined can really be an awesome thing. "Self-discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with self control. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for motivation, when one uses reason to determine a best course of action that opposes one's desires. Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what one knows is best and to do it gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations. Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self-discipline." Thank you wikipedia. I really do love that definition. I kinda feel I could just end the blog here... but you know I have to break down my crap.

I am NOT a disciplined person. I never give up something for lent or set a new year's resolution. I always just convince myself that it's not my thing. I procrastinated and did the bare minimum to get through college. I live freely and love being spontaneous. I don't set goals, and if I do then I don't reach them. Lists make me nervous.

I have unfortunately had disciplinedness (I like making up words) in my face recently though. Austin is disciplined. He is proactive, organized, and motivated. This really is foreign to me. He challenges himself and makes sure he does not get too comfortable in life. He sets goals and achieves them.

I decided I wanted to take this on since I feel like finding too much comfort is a struggle of mine. It freakin isn't easy. The first place I was challenged to be disciplined was my actual relationship with Austin. We began our relationship in such a unique way that it is discipline I have never experienced before. We are forced to figure out how to "be together" without physically being together. (he lives in Memphis, I live in Portland) We have to be disciplined about being intentional in communication and not being distracted by our surroundings, but also making sure we are present in the community that we are in. We are learning how to not lean on each other too much and use each other as a crutch, but to still care for one another from a distance.

I also challenged myself to not eat meat for a month. Wow. If you know me, you know I love me some meat. An ideal day for me would consist of a chicken biscuit (or 2) for breakfast, a turkey sandwich for lunch, and barbecue chicken pizza (or a steak) for dinner. My mouth is watering now. 3 more days... Anyway, I knew it'd be a tough challenge and a great way to be disciplined. I'm giving up alcohol in February. Start praying for me now.

A strong and healthy relationship with the Lord requires an immense amount of discipline. I hate waking up for work in the mornings. I prefer to roll out of bed, brush my teeth and head to work. However, I have learned that spending time with the Lord in the mornings makes my day much better and focused on Him. I have to be disciplined and motivated to make sure that time happens. I struggle to pray so I know I have to be disciplined in order to have that be my inclination throughout my day.

I believe we are called to be disciplined. Life seems so pointless and directionless without discipline.






Side note: I love blogging. I love exploring aspects of my life that I feel are very weak and being vulnerable with them. I have discovered that writing these things out and confessing them has helped me stay more focused. Accountability. Hmmm that could be a good blog post. :) Thanks for the 20 of you who read this. It's more encouraging than you probably think.