Humbled.

I forgot to post this... It was written Nov. 30, 2011.

It is so funny the ways that the Lord humbles me. I'm so thankful for it.

I have now lived in Portland for over a year, and I have recently realized how much I have learned since moving here. It was a huge cultural change, but I realize how much of a blessing it has been. I struggle so much with appearance, status, popularity, etc. I love the south, but I know that it is culturally more of a temptation there. The culture in Portland is not conducive for that. Yes, free-thinkers, hippies, green freaks... think what you will. I have grown to appreciate that the competition is about who can live the most simply, accept people for who they are, and be the most environmentally friendly. I don't think there is anything sinful about that.

I'm getting married. I'M GETTING MARRIED! After having a little over week to let that sink in, I am able to appreciate how wonderful and beautiful this time of my life truly is. I get to celebrate love with the man of my dreams. We get to experience an amazing communion with the Lord. This realization has also humbled the crap out of me. I am sincerely terrified of getting caught up in all the planning and details and missing out on the real meaning of all this. I am committing my life to the man I will (God willing) get to grow old with, in front of the Lord and the people that mean the most to us. That's so incredibly beautiful. Of course I want our wedding to be gorgeous and fun, but... it's going to be. :) I want to commit to working hard to simply not be selfish and self-consumed.

Being with Austin is also just humbling in itself. Everyone knows that dating has not been my strong point. I lacked self-respect and in turn was unable to respect past boyfriends. I was completely unfair and broken. Austin has showed me how to humble myself and let go of the hurts and walls of the past. I am still learning to fully let go and give him my heart, but he has stayed by my side through it all... and even is going to marry me despite it! I don't want to miss a minute of these few months of planning and preparing our hearts. I am so thankful for him.