My last post was about not being consumed with all the details of preparing for a wedding. However, I'm a little consumed with attempting to prepare my heart for marriage. Get ready for an overload of marriage and love posts...
My wonderful friends, Aaron and Sarah Harris gave Austin and me a book called, "the mystery of marriage." I have only read the first 40 pages, but am about to transition into reading some books alongside our premarital counseling so I wanted to get my thoughts out before I totally forgot about it. Books like this have grown on me. I used to read them and be extremely cynical. However, I have grown to accept that even if I don't necessarily agree with everything, I am at least forced to think about it.
This first section struck a cord with me. Per usual when I write about a book, I'll quote the expert to get my points across. The author immediately dives into "the conflict between a yearning for solitude and a yearning for companionship." Well, shit. Welcome to 90% of Austin and my arguments. He is so much better at it than I am... That might be the worst part about it. I am so dead-set on being an "independent woman," but at the same time continually needing him. I handle it VERY poorly sometimes. "One of the hardest things in marriage is the feeling of being watched."
This quote has two stars around it in my book (literally): "There is a constant temptation to pull back from the full intensity of the relationship, to get along on only the basic requirements. But set against this is the constant challenge to give more and more of oneself, at deeper and deeper levels, and to see in one's partner a most abundant and perfect channel for the outpouring of the grace of God into one's life." Absolutely beautiful. I want to strive for this. The author also uses the metaphor of how a woman was created "bone of bone, flesh of flesh" and the Lord was "revealed in the incarnation as bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh." That is extremely powerful if you really think about it.
I'll end this random, scattered post with another encouraging quote...
"No worship could be more pleasing or acceptable to God than the worship of marital love, of two lives being played out against one another in a covenant of loving cooperation."
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Humbled.
I forgot to post this... It was written Nov. 30, 2011.
It is so funny the ways that the Lord humbles me. I'm so thankful for it.
I have now lived in Portland for over a year, and I have recently realized how much I have learned since moving here. It was a huge cultural change, but I realize how much of a blessing it has been. I struggle so much with appearance, status, popularity, etc. I love the south, but I know that it is culturally more of a temptation there. The culture in Portland is not conducive for that. Yes, free-thinkers, hippies, green freaks... think what you will. I have grown to appreciate that the competition is about who can live the most simply, accept people for who they are, and be the most environmentally friendly. I don't think there is anything sinful about that.
I'm getting married. I'M GETTING MARRIED! After having a little over week to let that sink in, I am able to appreciate how wonderful and beautiful this time of my life truly is. I get to celebrate love with the man of my dreams. We get to experience an amazing communion with the Lord. This realization has also humbled the crap out of me. I am sincerely terrified of getting caught up in all the planning and details and missing out on the real meaning of all this. I am committing my life to the man I will (God willing) get to grow old with, in front of the Lord and the people that mean the most to us. That's so incredibly beautiful. Of course I want our wedding to be gorgeous and fun, but... it's going to be. :) I want to commit to working hard to simply not be selfish and self-consumed.
Being with Austin is also just humbling in itself. Everyone knows that dating has not been my strong point. I lacked self-respect and in turn was unable to respect past boyfriends. I was completely unfair and broken. Austin has showed me how to humble myself and let go of the hurts and walls of the past. I am still learning to fully let go and give him my heart, but he has stayed by my side through it all... and even is going to marry me despite it! I don't want to miss a minute of these few months of planning and preparing our hearts. I am so thankful for him.
It is so funny the ways that the Lord humbles me. I'm so thankful for it.
I have now lived in Portland for over a year, and I have recently realized how much I have learned since moving here. It was a huge cultural change, but I realize how much of a blessing it has been. I struggle so much with appearance, status, popularity, etc. I love the south, but I know that it is culturally more of a temptation there. The culture in Portland is not conducive for that. Yes, free-thinkers, hippies, green freaks... think what you will. I have grown to appreciate that the competition is about who can live the most simply, accept people for who they are, and be the most environmentally friendly. I don't think there is anything sinful about that.
I'm getting married. I'M GETTING MARRIED! After having a little over week to let that sink in, I am able to appreciate how wonderful and beautiful this time of my life truly is. I get to celebrate love with the man of my dreams. We get to experience an amazing communion with the Lord. This realization has also humbled the crap out of me. I am sincerely terrified of getting caught up in all the planning and details and missing out on the real meaning of all this. I am committing my life to the man I will (God willing) get to grow old with, in front of the Lord and the people that mean the most to us. That's so incredibly beautiful. Of course I want our wedding to be gorgeous and fun, but... it's going to be. :) I want to commit to working hard to simply not be selfish and self-consumed.
Being with Austin is also just humbling in itself. Everyone knows that dating has not been my strong point. I lacked self-respect and in turn was unable to respect past boyfriends. I was completely unfair and broken. Austin has showed me how to humble myself and let go of the hurts and walls of the past. I am still learning to fully let go and give him my heart, but he has stayed by my side through it all... and even is going to marry me despite it! I don't want to miss a minute of these few months of planning and preparing our hearts. I am so thankful for him.
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